• Be careful about accepting drinks from anyone you don't know well or long enough to trust. The best choice is not to let anyone fix you a drink. Offer to mix the drink yourself. Always carry the drink yourself.
• Don't share or exchange drinks with anyone.
• If you are accepting a drink, make sure it's from an unopened container and that you open it yourself.
• Never accept drinks from individuals you do not know and trust.
• Do not drink from open containers at parties and accept drinks only from bartenders or servers. Watch them open the can or pour the drink. Don’t be distracted by conversation.
• If dancing, don’t leave your drink unattended. If you realize your drink has been left unattended, toss it out.
• Consider buying a specially designed drug testing coaster (see below) to test your drink for the drug. They are low-cost and a smart choice.
• Remember, any kind of beverage can be drugged; there is no taste or smell.
• If possible bring your own drinks to parties. Don’t drink from a container that is being passed around.
• If your drink tastes or looks differently than it should, or tastes "funny" or salty; if it is foamy, cloudy, or has residue in it, throw it away.
• Don't go to parties alone. Travel in a group of people and stick together at a party. Look out not only for yourself, but your female friends.
• A really good idea is to not let your friends get too drunk or wasted. If they do party intensely, take them home yourself. Stay with them to make sure they are all right before leaving.
• Don't let your friend disappear and don't let her wander off with a member of the opposite sex. Stay by her side. Don’t leave with someone you do not know well or have just met.
• Refuse to drink from a punchbowl; this is a place where anything can be dropped in.
• Stay sober. Don't use drugs or alcohol; you need to have a clear head at all times.
• Assign a designated sober person when going out.
• Notify other female friends about the effects of these dangerous drugs.
• Be observant to the behaviors and actions of your friends. Trust your instincts.
• Listen for the street names of the drugs mentioned above.
• Keep a cell phone with you and charged up in the event you have a problem and need help.

Remember: You Did Not Deserve What Happened To You, and the Assault Was Not Your Fault.

• If you think that you have been a victim, notify the authorities immediately.
• If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, you can file a police report.
• Get immediate medical attention. Call 911 or go to an emergency room. Request that a urine sample be taken to screen for the presence of date rape drugs.
• Preserve as much physical evidence as possible. Don’t urinate, shower, bathe, douche, or throw away the clothing you were wearing during the assault. If possible, save any other materials that might provide evidence, such as the glass or can that held your drink.
• Call a rape crisis center for information and support.

All women are potential victims of sexual assault, regardless of their age, race, sexual preference, occupation or education. A woman can be assaulted by a stranger, by a friend, by an acquaintance, co-worker or relative.

Q. How will I feel after an assault?

A. There is no "correct" way to feel after an assault. Be aware that different people need to heal in different ways. Some women may need to talk about the assault a number of times to heal; reliving the violation helps to work through a difficult experience. Seeking a professional familiar with date rape can make a big difference in recovery.

Some women find their faith in God may be strained but find strength in keeping their faith and attending church or synagogue. Other women find the answer may be involvement in activities to help them forget. Then when they are better able to handle the facts and face them, they can find the peace necessary to work through the pain.

Finding a qualified rape counselor or participating in a closed group counseling with other women who understand what you are going through can be healing in itself. Many women who have been victims of the date rape drug have some or all of the following reactions:

• Anger and frustration
• Disbelief and denial
• Guilt/self blame
• Helplessness/confusion
• Avoidance of friends
• Feeling paranoid
• Difficulty in concentrating
• Change in sleep patterns
• Sexual disinterest or change in sexual behavior
• Can’t stop crying or can’t cry
• Inability to cope with ordinary situations
• Problems with trust
• Depression
• Frenzied involvement in their work
• Low self-esteem
• Reoccurring nightmares
• Changed alcohol or drug use
• Wanting to forget, escape, or never get out of bed
• Eating everything or nothing at all

As you work through the healing process, keep these suggestions in mind:

• It is not your fault -- you are not responsible for the unwanted sex.
• You are not the guilty party.
• Some people may try to make you feel responsible for what happened because of their own feelings of vulnerability or guilt.
• That you may have been intoxicated does not give anyone the right to assault you -- nothing gives anyone that right.
• Acquaintance rape happens because the rapist fails to respect the victim's individual will, not because of irresistible arousal.
• A rapist acts without regard for the victim, so saying no or even physically resisting cannot always be enough to prevent the assault.

How to Help a Friend Who Has Been Assaulted:

• Let her make decisions. Offer to make phone calls for information, but don't take over for her. She has just had control taken away and needs to regain it.
• Don't touch her without first asking permission. Say, for example, "Would you like a hug?" or "Would you like to hold my hand?" A caring touch can help the victim but unwanted touching can be very uncomfortable or even threatening.
• Don't blame her. Questions like "Why did you go home with him? What were you thinking?” Will only reinforce her sense of guilt or shame.
• Let her know she is safe and that you won't violate her trust.
• Try to deal with your own reactions to the circumstances later. You may feel angry, helpless, confused, or violated yourself. Keep in mind that your friend probably feels all that and more, so seeing your reactions may not help her. Try to focus on her feelings. Later, when her immediate necessities are taken care of, seek out a counselor. A sexual assault can be distressing for friends and family members, as well.

Drug Testing Drink Coaster: Singles bars have never been risk free, but so-called date rape drugs give you one more reason to be cautious. After a friend was attacked by a man who may have spiked her drink, Francisco Guerra developed a cardboard drink coaster that can identify two of the most popular date-rape drugs: gamma hydroxybutyrate (GHB) and ketamine. Just place a drop of liquid on the coaster and rub it in with your finger. If the spot turns blue, toss that cocktail. Fifteen million of these coasters have already been distributed; look for them at 7-Elevens. It runs about 40¢ a coaster.

For More Helpful Resources

National Institute on Drug Abuse

Rape Recovery Site

American Council For Drug Education

Hope For Healing

Support For People Conceived Through Rape and Incest

American Society of Addiction Medicine

Association For Medical Education and Research In Substance Abuse

National Institute on Drug Abuse (Rohypnol and GHB)

State Directory for Offices of Victim Services US Department of Justice
Includes a clickable US State Map

Committed to Excellence in Adoption Education.

Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P is the Founder & CEO of Lifetime Adoption Facilitation Center, Radio Talk Show Host at Let’s Talk Adoption, Author of Adopting Online.com: Your Internet Adoption Resource Guide, and numerous articles on adoption, parenting and financing. She is also an adoptive mother, married with four children.