An Open Adoption Miracle
by Mardie Caldwell, C. O. A. P.
(Certified Open Adoption Practitioner)
 Michael is a sweet child of eight now. He was adopted at
birth after his biological mother, an African American
college student named Shantell, discovered that one poor
decision could change a life forever. She was 22 years
old at the time, and was doing well in school. At the last
minute, she decided to attend a frat party.
Up
until this point, Shantell was a focused and devoted student
who attended
church and belonged to a Christian college
group. As a rule, she didn’t go to parties much, and
she especially did not attend frat parties. But on one particular
evening, she decided to go.
That evening ended with horrific consequences. She was slipped
a date rape drug that when mixed with alcohol caused her
to pass out and have no memory of the evening. She was sexually
abused and found out later, to her horror, that not only
was she pregnant, but she had contracted Syphilis from the
encounter as well.
Shantell decided to continue the pregnancy in spite of the
shock and embarrassment. After counseling with her pastor
and a local support group she decided that the knowledge
of the child being conceived in a rape, her age and background,
including the fact that she was still in school, would prevent
her from providing the kind of life she felt a child deserved.
She felt abortion was wrong and adoption might be something
she could live with.
Through
her trials, Shantell kept her family unaware of the circumstances
surrounding
the conception. She had been
brought up in a Christian home and her mother had raised
eight children alone and didn’t understand how she
could do this. On more than one occasion, Shantell had to
bite her lip from blurting out what had really happened.
Shantell’s pastor gave her a brochure about adoption.
She called our center, Lifetime Adoption, late one Sunday
evening. She began by requesting information. She was scared
and unsure. She had a lot of questions, so we sent her
an informational packet. She chose the families she felt
most drawn to, and after speaking with them over the phone,
she selected Noel and Hal, a Caucasian couple in their
early 40’s. At first, she questioned why a Caucasian
couple would want to adopt an African American baby. In
their “Dear Birth Mother” letter they expressed
their desire to provide a loving Christian home and a promise
to continue exposure to the child’s culture throughout
his/her life. They said how active their lives were but
that it was just not complete without a child to love and
share it with. This was the kind of family she was looking
for.
Noel & Hal attended the same denomination she did and
had a peace about them she could sense from their photos.
She wanted to hear how they were going to share with this
child his African American heritage. She wanted to know
if they had friends that were African American and about
the schools the child would attend, good questions for
any woman considering adoption outside of her child’s
race.
Shantell
wanted to be sure that the circumstances around her conception
would be kept between the adoption professional,
the adoptive parents, her pastor, doctor and herself. She
feared the child may feel at fault and she wanted to be sure
the adoptive family didn’t have any relatives that
would be racist or know about the conception. It was also
very important that the child be raised in a Christian home
with boundaries.
Shantell decided she would like to speak with Noel and
Hal, and that weekend she said a quick prayer for guidance
and called the Fresno family. After spending time with
both the prospective adoptive mother and father over the
phone, she could tell that they were close to each other
and there was mutual respect and love for the Lord. The
questions were simple and the couple shared a great deal
about themselves and what their goals were.
Shantell noticed how interested they were in her as a woman,
and in her culture. She discovered they had interracial marriages
in their family and a niece that was adopted. Both Noel and
Hal were sincere and wanted to be sure she was okay, both
physically and mentally. Shantell was impressed. They were
the family she wanted to adopt her child, even if they were
not African American. Shantell called us at the same time
the adoptive mother called us. Two lines ringing, two mothers-to-be
with excitement and tears about finding each other.
The match was confirmed and the wait began as the pregnancy
progressed into the third trimester. Noel and Hal stayed
in contact with Shantell and even sent her a bouquet of flowers
for her 23rd birthday. Shantell said she had never received
flowers from anyone before and that this made her birthday
very special. She was glad she had chosen this couple for
her child.
Shantell’s family had a difficult time with her decision.
Shantell said, “I have been on my own for a long time
and I think it helped that I lived in another state. My mother
was very insistent about me coming home so she could raise
the baby. She reminded me that she had raised my sister’s
children, so why not mine? The pressure to keep him was great.
But, I didn’t want my child growing up wondering why
he didn’t have a mamma and a daddy and I wanted him
to have strong Christian parents to guide him. Consequently,
I just didn’t speak to my mother until after the adoption
papers were signed. ”
Already,
Shantell was beginning to feel that this baby was Noel
and Hal’s.
She believed God had brought them all together. When Shantell
went into labor, she made the call
to the adoptive family. With the time difference, it was
only three in the morning when they received the call. Shantell
wanted the adoptive parents at the hospital and delivery,
if at all possible, and promised them she would hold out
as long as she could until they could get there.
Surprisingly,
Shantell’s labor lasted only three hours,
and the adoptive family missed the delivery of their healthy
7-pound, 2-ounce son. Shantell was exhausted, but stayed
awake waiting for the adoptive parents to arrive. She wanted
to see them when they first met their son. They all agreed
on the name Michael, which had a special meaning to all of
them.
The meeting was wonderful. The couple was as loving in
person as they had been on the phone. Two days later, it
was time to say goodbye. Noel and Hal had loved meeting
Shantell and both Noel and Shantell cried together as they
dressed Michael for his trip home. Photos were taken and
the adoptive family presented a silver locket to Shantell
with a space for a photo of the baby and a lock of his
hair to place next to her heart. Tears again and hugs all
around. Words weren’t enough to express the gratitude
this family felt toward Shantell. They promised to stay
in touch through letters and photo updates.
Shantell accepted a ride home to her apartment from the
hospital from the new adoptive parents. She was going to
be separated from the sweet baby that had grown in her for
nine months. For you see, Shantell had grown to love him,
despite his conception. She knew now that there were no mistakes.
She could see the love and bonding already going on between
the adoptive parents and Michael. It confirmed her decision,
but it was still hard.
The
family lingered a bit while Hal helped Shantell out of
the car. A storm
was coming in and a gentle rain began
to fall as they said their goodbyes. Shantell watched as
their car made a turn at the light and disappeared. She stood
there for a moment; her tears mixed with the rain. She later
told me, “It was as if God were crying his tears along
with me that day. The same tears God had shed for his son
so long ago. ” Shantell found comfort in the thought.
Two weeks went by and finally a package arrived. Shantell
held her breath as she opened it to find not only photos,
but a video too. The letter stated that the three of them
finally got home okay after a few delays from the Interstate
Compact. They wanted to let Shantell know how happy they
were and how they loved her for choosing them as Michael’s
parents. He was a good baby, and the video showed Michael’s
new grandparents holding and kissing him. They all waved
into the camera, saying hello and thanking Shantell for
their first grandchild, lots of tears again.
Shantell played the video over and over. She said it was
as if a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders and
she finally felt as if she could move on. They remember
me… she thought. At the bottom of the box was a gift-wrapped
package that held a book for Shantell titled, “Dear
Birthmother.” They had written a wonderful message
inside:
Dearest Shantell:
We wanted you to know that Michael is such a good baby.
He has the most beautiful hair and the face of an angel.
Thank you so much for giving him life and allowing us to
be his Mommy and Daddy.
As
we sit with Michael, we think of you often. How wonderful
and brave
you have been, so unselfish and loving. We will
always thank God for you and pray he will bless you for the
wonderful act of love we hold in our arms. We miss our talks
with you, but know that we will honor and respect your wishes
for contact through letters and photos only as you felt were
best. We want you to know we will always love you and promise
to stay in touch through the years. Please let us know if
you move and remember, you’ll always be his Birth Mother.
Please send us photos and updates on your life as well. God
bless you always.
Love,
Michael’s
parents, chosen by his Birth Mother
Committed to Excellence
in Adoption Education.
Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P is the Founder
& CEO of Lifetime
Adoption Facilitation Center, Radio Talk Show Host
at Let’s
Talk Adoption, Author of Adopting
Online.com: Your Internet Adoption Resource Guide,
and numerous articles on adoption, parenting and financing.
She is also an adoptive mother, married with four children.
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